can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you didnt know i had herpes?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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