i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
