its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
