I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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