we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
