Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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