Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
