I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
