Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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