Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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