Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
