I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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