I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
