Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
