I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
