I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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