so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize