i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
