***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize