Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize