Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
