I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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