so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
