i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
