I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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