Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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