I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
