do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
