There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
