last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
