Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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