I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
