Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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