I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
