i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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