Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
