i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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