and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
