there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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