What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have post one night stand depression
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
