is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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