So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
