I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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