That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
