His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize