U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
