Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
