my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize