So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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