I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
