Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
