Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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