Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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