Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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