He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
