I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
this is an emotional support booty call
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
