id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
