So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize