Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
