Did you just see the Batmobile???
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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