My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
