I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize