Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is my gift to your gina
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
