I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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