I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
