I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
