I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
